wow, thanks blake that made my morning. i haven't been around here in awhile because i actually started working full time two weeks ago as a plumbers helper and it's really taking a lot outta me.. the last time i've been on this type of schedule was, damn, i dunno in like high school or something. getting up early, going to bed early, being a (semi) respectable human being isn't as bad as i thought it would be. since i dropped outta college i've just spent the last almost decade wandering aimless from drugs to odd jobs (selling christmas trees/busking on subways/selling my xanax prescriptions (when the most legit thing i've done was sell christmas trees in a dingy lot with a bottle of something cheap in the back pocket that's saying something, i started to feel like a caricature and it was getting quite tiresome). but i'm happy to say i have over 3 years off dope, about 6 months since i took a blast of crack (it's a struggle. don't know why because the effects of the drug if you've never tried it are about 3 minutes if you're lucky of something that could be mistaken for euphoria followed by intense self loathing, suicidal idealizations, hatred for self and humanity, paranoia, etc. etc... sounds like a real hoot right?) and i'm doing what i need to do to keep a roof over the lovely ladies head that i love and support her and keep our bunny rabbit safe while my girl goes to trade school so we can only further improve our lives. it feels good to finally say in my late 20s that i'm actually acting like an "adult" and/or "man" for lack of a more articulate word and it feels pretty good. maybe if i tried this sooner my mom could have seen her son as a person other than an obligation. after i got kicked outta the parents house they kept my room more or less the same but the only thing was a suit hung and pressed in the closet. "it's for your funeral.. when it happens. and it's looking like it's gonna be any day now", was one of the last things my mom said to me before she passed. but i'm trying not to dwell on the past. that'll hurt more than it did then. painful memories age like a wine in a cellar and it's best for me to stay upstairs. but all rambling aside, thank you and i'm happy to be a part of this board and to have made the acquintance of such lovely people. i owe blake and many others a many a nice thing to say, and when i get home later i certainly will.